Fake News Archive. (This was a feature of the site for awhile that has since been phased out.) Ayeka from Tenchi Muyo angrilly demands people remember she once was a reputable anime character, takes hostages. Japan sends fleet of anime naval ships to coast of Somalia to battle pirates, apologizes for the lack of real aircraft carriers but promises the most advanced drawing techniques were used. Japan offers every American one dollar not to download fansubs. Latest Gundam designs criticized for not being Gundamish enough. Utena school uniforms inspire private school to adopt ranking system. Student becomes Vice Admiral of Sophomores. State begins investigation. Local eatery owned by Xellos claims to have secret chili recipe. Japan reacts to the financial crisis with overkill, launches super fighters from their anti-godzilla and alien defense force squad 7 to solve the problem! So far no luck... Area lunatic demands more Relena Peacecraft fanfiction or else... World's smallest panda found in China...when splashed with water becomes world's smallest old man....kinda weird... International space station holds "ISS Idol" competition...Ayumi Hamasaki wins despite not being up there... Military guy behind a desk looks solemn and expresses concern over things... Area lunatic author writes fanfic where "A group small boat crewed by Sailor Senshi is attacked by pirates from One Piece, but the ship then blasts off into space and Captain Harlock gets mad so he crashes a Gundam Colony into it piloted by the Gundam's Amuro which causes an explosion which knocks Galaxy Express 999 into the side of the ship that Vash is on and the Trigun series never happens and instead has its time slot filled by Cowboy Bebop, but only the episodes without Vicious, and people get upset, and they protest the network, but water is thrown on the crowd and they turn into animals like on Fruits Basket...er..Ranma...and then the animals fight each other in a battle arena, but the Pokemon get mad at losing their jobs so they blow everything up and sneak away in the back of Optimus Prime." The author has been arraigned without bail in local district court. Liberal Octopus Party (LOP) wins midterm parliament elections in Japan. New Prime Minister Nakago McOzaki's campaign slogan of "Don't put me on a stick!" resonated with voters. U.S. Department of Justice orders all tapes of the first dubbed version of One Piece dumped into the Atlantic Ocean never to see the light of day again. Transit Buses will be detoured due to vortex. Expect delays of 5 to 10 minutes. Gas prices have not affected sales of speedy black cars to covert organizations. Japan's cutting edge animation technology moves to a new phase, edible anime pancakes!!! Watch em, then eat em! Bounty hunters offered 700,000 to find the cake. Counter-culture damsel in distress demands not to be saved...just to be different. Opinion poll finds 98 percent of the world thinks this guy is up to something. Cell phone reception unaffected by rifts in dimensions caused by Hollows, Haruhi Suzumiya, Tenchi Muyo profiteering, Dragon Ball Z dubbing, or Ninjas. Gainax attempts its boldest concept ever. 26 episodes centered around a toilet. Neighborhood recovering after killer military android misunderstands meaning of what a "Target" store is. Devil Hunter Yohko demands that people remember who the heck she is! Online gaming watchdog group asks the Crimson Knights why despite "The World" providing thousands of different avatar designs they chose uniforms that made them look like imbeciles. Alucard wins American Idol! Scientists find that despite popular belief, standing on either side of a door with guns drawn rarely ever accomplishes much or prevents harm, especially when compared with the option of just "exploding the door." One of the many differences between Japanese and American baseball... "Ranma: Beast Wars" series not nearly as popular to fans of "Ranma: Generation 1." Ohtori Academy High School Student Council election just a popularity contest...a really creepy popularity contest... Rukia refuses to confirm or deny that it must be annoying to have that strand of hair sitting over her face like that. Relena Peacecraft reacts to latest poll numbers by yelling for Heero to come kill her. Authorities investigating why dramatic countdown clock not adjusted for daylight savings time. Bada$$ Captain doesn't like camera phones. Evil island hideout goes up for auction after the late Doctor Destructoburn forgets to write a will. Harvard adds Engrish course to their Department of Modern and Classical Languages curriculum. Yale expected to counter with their Major in L33T. Command center personnel receiving training in new and innovative ways to say..."Sir! You'd better take a look at this!" Passengers concerned when their plane appears to have Decepticon symbols on the side and flight attendants ask for energon cubes instead of tickets. San Francisco passes laws allowing marriage to dating sim characters. Immigration officials catch 200 people trying to sneak into the U.S. through the bathroom. Satellite camera malfunctions when astronauts forget to remove lens cap. President of the U.S. declares War on Terra! Nobuo Uematsu, Piano Squall and other musicians strongly protest as they really like that piece of Final Fantasy music. . Joint Hartford-Midgar Police Task Force seeking information on the murder of Aeris Gainsborough. If anyone has seen Seth A. Roth, of Camden New Jersey, please notify your local authorities. . Mayor of Las Vegas and numerous casino owners open up new Pokemon Gambling Casino where pokemon fights can be wagered on. No Gil or Rupies accepted however. . Tokyo officials express concern that an old man is sitting in a chair somewhere plotting something. . Glass window company admits glass buildings are less Godzilla proof than standard cement structures, but counters that glass is pretty and shiny. . Disaster strikes when two magical girls from different shows transform within a block in each other, causing a ripple effect chain reaction explosion of pinkish magenta energy that damages everything within a radius of 3 square miles.. A drunken Joker stumbled out of a Gotham Night club yelling. "What are you smiling at?" . Captain Jack Sparrow defeats fleet of 17 ninja vessels.. Ouran High School Host Club shut down due to asbestos concerns. . Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan to be Musical next year at local Boston High School. .